55 Funny Golf Jokes To Drive Laughter On The Course
Golfing alone has its perks, but one of the joys of the game is getting to spend time with friends. Navigating the ups and downs of the course together adds to the experience, especially during casual golf formats.
In an article from PubMed, sports psychology research suggests that the mood and emotions of golfers can have an impact on their performance. This gives you even more of a reason to find ways of maintaining a positive atmosphere.
To keep everyone’s spirits high, sometimes a good joke is all you need. Check out these funny golf jokes that are perfect for lightening the mood after a tricky shot or while waiting for your turn in a social golf format.
In this post, discover over 50 golf jokes that will have you laughing, make you smile, or simply shake your head. A good laugh just might be the secret to creating that positive atmosphere that could potentially improve your performance!
The Best Golf Jokes That Will Crack People Up
Question and Answer
1.
Q: What should you do if you’re caught in a lightning storm during a round of golf?
A: Hold your 1-iron up high because even Mother Nature can’t hit a 1-iron.
2.
Q: Why are computers good at golf?
A: Because they have hard drives.
3.
Q: When is it too wet to play golf?
A: When your golf cart capsizes.
4.
Q: Why do golfers hate cake?
A: Because they might get a slice.
5.
Q: Which actress is good at golf?
A: Minnie Driver.
6.
Q: Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
A: In case she got a hole in one.
RELATED: Proper Female Golf Attire
7.
Q: What is a golfer’s favorite dance move?
A: The bogey.
8.
Q: What’s the difference between a golfer and a fisherman?
A: When a golfer lies, he doesn’t have to bring anything home to prove it.
9.
Q: How did golf get its name?
A: All of the other 4-letter words were taken.
10.
Q: Do you think my golf is improving?
A: Yes, you miss much closer now.
11.
Q: Why do the pros tell you to keep your head down during golf lessons?
A: So you can’t see them laughing.
12.
Q: What did the sign in the nineteenth hole say?
A: Don’t drink and drive. Don’t even putt.
Related: Golf Drinking Games
13.
Q: What does a golfer’s diet consist of?
A: A lot of greens and water.
14.
Q: What’s the easiest shot in golf?
A: Your fourth putt.
15.
Q: What’s a golfer’s favorite letter?
A: Tee.
16.
Q: How is golf like taxes?
A: You go for the green and come out in the hole.
17.
Q: What is the best wood in a golfer’s bag?
A: A pencil.
18.
Q: How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Fore.
19.
Q: What is the difference between a whiff and a practice swing?
A: No one swears after a practice swing.
20.
Q: What did you get on your last hole?
A: Depressed.
21.
Q: What’s a golfer’s favorite bird?
A: Any birdie will do.
RELATED: Birdies In Golf: History Explained
22.
Q: Where can you find 100 doctors on any given day?
A: A golf course!
23.
Q: Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night?
A: Clubbing.
24.
Q: Why couldn’t Tiger listen to music?
A: He broke all of the records.
25.
Q: Why couldn’t Cinderella play golf?
A: Because she always runs away from the ball.
26.
Q: What do you call a wizard who can turn himself into a golf club?
A: Harry Putter.
27.
Q: Why do golf announcers whisper?
A: Because they don’t want to wake up the people watching.
28.
Q: What should NASA do if it wants to explore water on Mars?
A: Send a golfer there to hit a golf ball.
29.
Q: What is the easiest way to hook a ball?
A: Try to slice it.
30.
Q: Have you ever wondered how the moon got craters?
A: Three words: Chuck Norris golfing.
31.
Q: Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course?
A: He was perfecting his swing.
32.
Q: What’s a golfer’s favorite type of music?
A: Swing.
33.
Q: How do professional golfers stay cool?
A: By standing near the fans.
34.
Q: What’s the problem with golf jokes?
A: They’re always sub-par.
35.
Q: What’s a golfer’s worst nightmare?
A: The bogeyman.
36.
Q: What do golfers do on their day off?
A: Putter around.
37.
Q: Why are golf balls like eggs?
A: They’re white, sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to buy more.
38.
Q: What’s the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?
A: A golfer goes whack “Darn!” and a skydiver goes “Darn!” whack.
39.
Q: Were you really under the whole day?
A: I was…under a tree…under a bush…and under the water.
Knock Knock Jokes For Golfers
40.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
It’s okay to cry when your golf game is that bad.
41.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Noah.
Noah who?
Noah good golf coach that can correct that swing?
42.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Wanda.
Wanda who?
Wanda how deep your ball is in the water.
43.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Canoe.
Canoe who?
Canoe you manage a straight shot this time?
44.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Annie.
Annie who?
Annie clue how many times your ball hit the trees?
45.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dozen.
Dozen who?
Dozen’t anyone fix their divots anymore?
46.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Amy.
Amy who?
Amy for the fairway, not the trees.
47.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive the way you swing, but your aim needs work.
48.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce hope you hit the green this time.
49.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Alpaca.
Alpaca who?
Alpaca the golf clubs, you bring your game.
Longer Jokes About Golf
50.
Two golfers are about to tee off on the 11th when a funeral procession goes by. The first golfer stops, takes off his cap, and bows his head.
“Nice of you to show some respect,” the second golfer remarks.
“Well, it's the least I could do,” the first golfer says. “She was my wife for 35 years.”
51.
Walking up the 18th after a terrible round, a golfer noticed a lake. Feeling down, he tells his caddie, “My game was so bad today, I might just jump into that lake.”
Without missing a beat, the caddie responds, “I doubt you can keep your head down long enough.”
52.
A golfer standing at a tee overlooking a river sees a couple of guys fishing and says to his friend, “Look at those two idiots fishing in the rain.”
53.
One afternoon, a young guy decides to play a quick round of golf, thinking he can squeeze in nine holes before he needs to leave. Just as he's about to start, an elderly man comes along and asks to join him. Despite his concern about being slowed down, the young man agrees. Surprisingly, the elderly man plays at a quick pace. His shots aren't long, but they're straight and fast.
As they approach the ninth hole, the younger player finds himself in a tricky situation. A large pine tree is in his way, right between his ball and the green. While he’s deciding what to do, the older man says, “When I was as young as you, I’d hit the ball right over that tree.”
Feeling challenged, the young man gives it his all. Unfortunately, his ball flies into the tree, bounces around, and lands just a foot from where it started. The elderly man says, “Of course, back in my day, that tree was only about three feet tall.”
54.
A friend of Jack’s dies suddenly. A week later, he comes back to tell his friend how great Heaven is. “Jack,” he says, “you won’t believe it, but there is golf in Heaven.”
“That is amazing!” Jack replies. “Don’t be so thrilled,” his friend tells him. “You have a tee-off time scheduled for Saturday.”
55.
A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked her instructor a question…
“Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T?” She asked. “P-U-T-T is correct,” the instructor replied. “P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. “P-U-T-T means merely a futile attempt to do the same thing.”
Since our site is dedicated to all things golf, we have a variety of posts similar to this one.
Here’s a breakdown of the differences:
Golf expressions that are funny or well-known are like inside jokes or lessons that help golfers enjoy the game more, understand it better, and feel like part of a community.
Golf slogans are memorable phrases designed to promote products or brands.
Golf captions are brief descriptions for pictures or videos, usually found on Instagram or other social media platforms.
Golf quotes are remarks made by celebrities or professional golfers who share insight, wisdom, or humor.
Golf puns use a play on words connected to golf.
Golf slang can appear in any of these kinds of posts. It consists of informal golf terms used by players to describe different aspects of the game.
Funny golf team names are used for everything from fantasy golf leagues to company tournaments, to help your team stand out from the crowd.
